Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Guess it's been a few days since I've written.  A fact that I am painfully aware of. In the past, writing was always an outlet for me, a place where I wasn't afraid to 'face the music' so to speak. But recently (and I'm talking in the past several years), I find myself shying away from writing when I need it most. It's like I don't want to face the truth, and by talking about it, I'm acknowledging it. I have started (and therefore stopped) several journals in this fashion, which is shameful to me because I used to fill journals and diaries like no one's business! Now, I have these sad, half-written diaries with no real substance spoken of, all because I didn't write when I most needed to.

But, here I am nonetheless.

I had an amazing experience last night, which really deserves a full blog on it's own. My parent's friend Joe is a pilot, and he took Will and I to NYC to see the city lights at dark. It was singlehandedly the coolest and most amazing thing I have done in a very long time. The pictures don't even do it justice. Flying super close to the wonderful bridges of the city (I thought of Sheryl and her bike rides over them!), seeing the Yankees stadium as a game was being played, flying over the Statue of Liberty and being in awe of was ALL beautiful. Seriously. I am so thankful for Joe and his generosity in taking us. It was a one of a kind experience that I will never forget. Here are some pics (in case you aren't cool enough to be friends with me on Facebook, haha).

Will and I before boarding the plane!
My 'model' shot :)

So yeah, had a great time. That being said...

I suppose I should get down to business and really acknowledge what has been going on with me the past few days. Or I should say weeks really. Ever since I first mentioned that girl and her nasty words on Facebook, I've been a wreck. Analyzing my self, my character, how people truly viewed me. I don't know WHY I was letting a few petty words get to me as much as they did. It was like with her announcement of them, I felt like everyone automatically believed them. People that I thought loved me and knew better. Granted, this was all in my head but it's how paranoid I was at the time.

And then I mentioned Easter and how I'd speak about what happened later...except I never came back to write about it. I avoided it, because I'd been avoiding realizing that it was a problem that was bringing me down. It consumed my thoughts and made me guarded towards the people who (helplessly) were caught in the crossfire. At Will's family breakfast on Easter sunday, after days of worrying whether her nasty words were really about me or not, I was ignored by the woman in question. She wouldn't look at me, speak to me, acknowledge me, you name it. It was awful. There I was, surrounded by his family, getting along with everyone, and realizing I was in the same room as a girl who for no reason whatsoever, suddenly hated me. It was immediately confirmed that her nasty words were indeed, about me (and my friend too, I suppose, who originally made the post). It was like a slap in the face. And on top of all of that, I had to keep a smile on, so as not to let on to anyone that I was upset or bothered. I HATE awkwardness, or scenes in front of family (his especially!) and therefore, I had to play the part of someone who was alright, when I was anything but.

For days, I replayed that situation over in my head. I talked to Will about it, but he seemed to think it was between this girl and I. His sister (who is like a sister to me) refused to get involved and made me feel unsupported. I know it's not her nature to argue or take sides, but in my opinion, I wasn't asking her for that. I wanted some support---someone to say to me that they were sorry that this woman said those words about me, that they weren't true. 

And no one did. 

In the end, I was alone, which is still sort of how I feel today. I eventually gave in and contacted the girl on Facebook. I didn't know what else to do! I sent her a really nice, page long message about how I was confused about the misunderstanding, that in no way did I think she was 'dumb' or anything of the sort. I complimented her, said that we were going to have to be around each other a lot in the future and didn't want any awkwardness or 'bad blood' and sent it, hoping for the best.

After 5 days, I got a lame, two line response thanking me for my 'thoughts.' No clarifying why she got so nasty, if indeed she really thinks those awful things of me or if it was a woman upset who was defending herself for whatever reason, nothing. It hurt. And I have to swallow that and see her for many events to come. 

Fun, right?

So in a sense, that's why I've been MIA for a few days. But, I couldn't avoid talking about it anymore. Even if no one reads this, it makes me feel 100x better getting that out. Maybe I won't feel so alone anymore?

So that's the news with me. I am actually in a happier mood than I have been the past few days, thanks in part to the flight last night but also because at this time tomorrow (fingers crossed Mike lets me leave an hour early!), I will be headed home and embarking on a camping adventure with my 3 favorite people (and yes, I mean Will, my mom and my dad, lol). I know it's probably weird for most to be excited about taking a trip with your parents but I seriously love mine. I have the most fun with them, and when it's the 4 of us, it's even better. So we're trying out a new campground out in PA, in Amish country. OUr favorite smorgasbord is out there, too (*squeals*). I know I am trying to be better about what I'm eating but I HAVE to go there and indulge. I think due to all the 'stress' lately I've been emotional eating, which I know is bad and unhealthy :-/
BUT, I feel the thighs rubbing together and it makes me want to get back on track and STAY there. Mom even mentioned joining Weight Watchers? Not sure how I feel about that since I only have 20 pounds to lose but still. It's an option.

I feel like I've written a book! I missed my blog :)


  1. I just want to say that you are beautiful and cute shirt! How tall are you btw twin? You look super tall in these pictures!

    Don't worry about the b word you have to deal with! She isn't worth your time!

    xoxox :) I am SOOOO glad you are back again even though I dont have a lot of time to read :( only 2 weeks ! ;)

  2. LOL thanks love, it's from Old Navy! and I am 5'8" :)

    i know she isn't worth my time but I HATE that no one supported me or reaffirmed my fears. And I hate even more that I will have to see her so much and have to pretend I am ok :-/

    2 weeks left, you can do it! I will be MIA from the blog world while I'm camping (unless I can read them on my phone?) BUT feel free to text me :) I'll send you some photos of beautiful Amish country, LOL <3

    1. You look SO tall in these pictures!! I am on the side of 6'0"! I am a giant! I love Old Navy, there clothes are so cute. I can't wait to be able to fit into all of their clothes. I am almost in their jeans...(almost)! I can wear their shirts though!

      I understand and I understand not feeling supported by anyone I totally get that feeling!

      Awww have fun camping! Im going to miss yoU!!

  3. i MISS yoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!