So here I am, on this rainy Wednesday morning, celebrating that it's my Friday. I cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow and not have to endure work for the next 2 days! Hallelujah! (did I spell that right?) I'm just excited. Will and I have never taken a trip on our own (without family members, or going to visit someone, etc). And the fact that it's the Poconos is extra exciting since it's scenic up there and there's lots to do. I can't wait (if you couldn't tell).
I love trips in general. I always get so excited to drive, fly, see new places. I even get excited to stay in a hotel, that's how weird I am! haha. And the place we're staying at seems cute, and we'll have a "studio villa," that even has it's own kitchenette. Jaim, I plan to bring healthy options to not only snack on, but also to make for lunches and dinner one night--so be proud! haha. I want to treat ourselves to dinner one night, but I'm glad to realize that I'm going into it with a more health-conscious mind and will be aware of what I select to eat. And as I mentioned before, I'll be bringing my sneakers to hopefully get a nice walk in one day (if the rain holds out). I know the usual temptation will be there to have a coffee or latte and some snacks on the way, but maybe I can make healthy choices or less "bad" choices so that I don't totally sabotage myself. I still am going to log everything I eat into MFP, even if it is vacation!
So, besides the elation over the trip, I have a bit of a heavy heart today. I had an experience with a friend last night--my supposed BEST friend--that has kind of left me feeling a bit down. Throughout my life, I've always had friends, many of whom I've considered really close, good friends. I've had 'best' friends at different points as well, but things always happened one way or another that led to us not being as close. In the past 6 years, I've been close with a girl who I thought truly was my best friend. We're a lot alike, we share the same sense of humor, fashion sense, etc. But recently, I've noticed little things that upset me. I find that she...copies me? I know that sounds weird and petty but it's to the point where she'll tell me she likes something I have or use and then she goes and gets it (which is fine, I don't hide where I purchase things) but will then later bring it up in conversation as though SHE found it/had it first. It's bizarre. It's almost self-righteous and comes out sounding snotty when she mentions these things, and makes me feel some kind of way that she either is pretending not to remember that I told her about it OR she truly is delusional and doesn't remember that I had it to begin with. And last night, I found out TWO things that she brought up as though she was original for having, and the way she expresses it to me comes off as condescending. I don't know. I know I'm sounding silly but it really upset me after she left. I go out of my way to tell her things I use that help me and then she copies me and flips the script like she's using all these amazing products and is "in the know" and I'm not. I don't know. I have been feeling more and more like she tries to compete with me, and that she desperately wants to find something I don't have so that she can flaunt it. Doesn't sound like a best friend, right?
I don't want you getting an awful idea about her, because she's a good person, but apparently, she just has an underlying competitive drive. I know friends swap things and share the same style, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me having anything she doesn't. And I'm not like that. I know they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but still--that means nothing if she doesn't admit she's imitating me!
And lately, she has been on me to devote more time to her. We used to hang out non-stop when I was single and we were 21 and carefree, but now I'm in a serious relationship, I have responsibilities and very little "play" money to spend, and she is married. She doesnt have the bills that I have and I try to make it clear to her that our situations are different, but she has a husband helping her out financially and I don't. I do it ALL on my own, which I am proud of and yet she doesn't always seem to understand that. It's all well and good that her income is pretty much play money and her husband's pays their bills, but I don't have that luxury. And these days, I don't want to go out and get drunk and hang out until 3 a.m. I am past that point in my life. I enjoy a good dinner and a movie kind of date, or a night out with the girls. I don't mind clubs and bars but I also don't drink a lot and I don't need the calories! (another thing she doesn't understand because she weighs all of 100 pounds!) But she wants to make plans several times a week, or devote a weekend night to her which is fine, IF i have the night to devote. I now do a lot of things with Will's family or my other friends and it's tough to make time every single weekend. And honestly, sometimes I just want a weekend of nothing to do what I want. Is that so bad? but she is a planner and will constantly book herself up with plans, and that's good for her. But I don't want to be made to feel bad if I don't always have time. I try to see her every week, and yet the nights I sometimes have free, she doesn't and she doesn't seem to see that. It's like she wants me to adjust my schedule, but she doesn't have to do the same?
I just feel kind of lonely sometimes. I have a few girls I am REALLy close with, but I know they don't consider me their "best" friend because they have their own. But I've always wanted that one girl who was truly my best friend in the world, like they have in the movies. Ya know?
Oh well. I know I have people who love me and are there for me, and maybe in time, this friend of mine will fix her issues or at least acknowledge them or something. Or maybe I need to let this issue go and realize that's how she is---or stop telling her about things? I don't know. If I get something someone else has, I always give them credit for it. I just wish it was a common courtesy this friend would give me occasionally. I don't brag about things I have or act like they're the best and sometimes, I feel like this friend just wants lot of attention or something..and she shouldn't feel the need to seek it from me. She is WAY better at hairstyling than I am, but I think I am better in the fashion department (even if I am heavier than her). I think true friends should balance each other out, not try to take each other down!
So, that's me today. Pumped for my getaway, but kind of bummed. I don't know if I will get to write any entries while I am gone (for some reason, it's hard writing on my phone or iPad..i don't like not having actual keys to type long entries on!) but I will def check in and be available :)
I will probably write more later today. It appears I have a lot on my mind...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Oh Jillian!
I love and hate Jillian Michaels. There, I said it.
We tried the workout DVD last night, and oh-my-god! I am SO out of shape. My mom is how many years older than me and get up wayyyy better! haha. I was proud of her at least. The DVD consisted of a half hour of 3 circuits (3 mins for strength training, 2 for cardio and 1 for ab work). I have found that I really enjoy the strength training portion. I like using the dumbbells and feeling the burn (though I think after the tape is over, I should do some more reps on my own? I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be today..or even as much as I'd like to be, as weird as that sounds). But, my downfall is the cardio. I am 28 years old and can hardly do quick feet or skater's lunges or whatever she had us doing without my chest heaving and getting all hot and feeling like death! I had to actually go to my deck and open the screen door and let some air in, I got that overheated :( And I know it was a little bit of a struggle for my mom, but she slowed her pace and kept at it at least!
Overall, I'm glad I at least tried. and if we do the video 2-3 times a week, i will eventually be able to do the whole 30 mins, right?! And then we can move on to the more accelerated workouts. I am just proud of myself for making the time and effort to work out after work. I usually am lazy and tired from a full day of being here, but with Mom willing to come over and make the effort with me, it makes it a lot easier. And I did like Jillian and her motivation. She has 2 assistants and one of them does a moderated version, for slower people like me. I thought that was nice. And when you think of it, 3 circuits for 18 minutes is not a long time at all, and she does a warm-up and cool down. Well worth the $9 :)
This evening, I'm going to meet Mom at my new fave park to walk for a bit and get some exercise in outside before the rain comes tomorrow. Booooo. I just hope the Poconos has snow for us when we go at the end of this week--I want to go snow tubing!! Will can ski and snowboard, but my clumsy, uncoordinated self enjoys plain old-fashioned snow tubing. I know it's not "real" exercise, but it's fun and I will enjoy myself. Plus, I'm bringing my sneakers and I plan to go for at least one walk/hike while we're there.
I saw my twin Jaimi lost some weight since last week! Congrats love, you did excellent, just like I knew you would!! :-D
See, it just proves that eating right and working out leads to positive results. Gotta keep that in mind when I feel down.
Excited about my salad for lunch, too. Can I just say how cute my bf is and how he cut up all my fruits and veggies for me to put on it? He is the sweetest. He always makes time to make sure I have what I need, and he has been a real supporter during my quest to eat healthy. Between him and my mom and Jaimi, I feel blessed to have such amazing, inspiring people in my life.
We tried the workout DVD last night, and oh-my-god! I am SO out of shape. My mom is how many years older than me and get up wayyyy better! haha. I was proud of her at least. The DVD consisted of a half hour of 3 circuits (3 mins for strength training, 2 for cardio and 1 for ab work). I have found that I really enjoy the strength training portion. I like using the dumbbells and feeling the burn (though I think after the tape is over, I should do some more reps on my own? I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be today..or even as much as I'd like to be, as weird as that sounds). But, my downfall is the cardio. I am 28 years old and can hardly do quick feet or skater's lunges or whatever she had us doing without my chest heaving and getting all hot and feeling like death! I had to actually go to my deck and open the screen door and let some air in, I got that overheated :( And I know it was a little bit of a struggle for my mom, but she slowed her pace and kept at it at least!
Overall, I'm glad I at least tried. and if we do the video 2-3 times a week, i will eventually be able to do the whole 30 mins, right?! And then we can move on to the more accelerated workouts. I am just proud of myself for making the time and effort to work out after work. I usually am lazy and tired from a full day of being here, but with Mom willing to come over and make the effort with me, it makes it a lot easier. And I did like Jillian and her motivation. She has 2 assistants and one of them does a moderated version, for slower people like me. I thought that was nice. And when you think of it, 3 circuits for 18 minutes is not a long time at all, and she does a warm-up and cool down. Well worth the $9 :)
This evening, I'm going to meet Mom at my new fave park to walk for a bit and get some exercise in outside before the rain comes tomorrow. Booooo. I just hope the Poconos has snow for us when we go at the end of this week--I want to go snow tubing!! Will can ski and snowboard, but my clumsy, uncoordinated self enjoys plain old-fashioned snow tubing. I know it's not "real" exercise, but it's fun and I will enjoy myself. Plus, I'm bringing my sneakers and I plan to go for at least one walk/hike while we're there.
I saw my twin Jaimi lost some weight since last week! Congrats love, you did excellent, just like I knew you would!! :-D
See, it just proves that eating right and working out leads to positive results. Gotta keep that in mind when I feel down.
Excited about my salad for lunch, too. Can I just say how cute my bf is and how he cut up all my fruits and veggies for me to put on it? He is the sweetest. He always makes time to make sure I have what I need, and he has been a real supporter during my quest to eat healthy. Between him and my mom and Jaimi, I feel blessed to have such amazing, inspiring people in my life.
Monday, February 27, 2012
This not That.
Happy Monday! Ok, not really since no one likes Mondays but I am happy to be writing again. I have found that trying to type on here with my iPhone or iPad is slower than using my computer here at work. I guess because I have an actual keyboard here? haha. But in any case, I was anxious to write.
I kind of fell off the wagon food-wise this weekend. I TRIED to make wise choices, but found myself out a lot, which makes me feel the need to indulge. I did good Friday night at Audra's, since her pizza used whole wheat crust and spinach and was lower in calories than a normal slice of greasy pizza but since she's a baker, she had cupcakes. I.cannot.resist.a.cupcake. So I had one. Not as bad caloric-wise as I thought, but still bad. I went over my allotted calories :(
And then on Saturday, we went to Chili's. I clearly can also not resist chips and skillet queso. I did have a salad as my entree, but it was HUGE and did not have the healthiest of items on there. It did have avocado, eggs, peppers, tomatoes...but also had cheese, bacon amd ranch dressing (even though I did ask for the low-fat ranch instead of the avocado-ranch). I also indulged in a skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks, but have learned to have those once in awhile and since they are under 100 calories, I don't feel SO bad. But just overall, I know I failed this weekend. I also did not walk or workout (except I did do a lot of walking around the museum yesterday) so that also reflects in my downfall.
I AM motivated today though. Something Audra showed me the other night was this Jillian Michael's DVD that she said really works you out. I got it and Mom and I are going to try it tonight. I'm kind of nervous, but also anxious to get a work-out in and hopefully feel the burn! haha.
Audra also turned me on to the "This not That" books. I LOVE THEM! I wanted the one she had, but the only one my Target had was the Supermarket Survival Guide, which I got and was instantly amazed by the products I have been buying (and eating!) that aren't as "healthy" as I thought. The bread I use every morning here isn't good for me, nor is the peanut butter I thought was better since it's "natural." So right away, I learned several pieces of info that have instantly helped me see the light! I love it! Now I can make much better choices AND navigate the supermarket better with the new tips and tricks the book has taught me. I really want to buy the other ones as well, so that I can see what to eat vs. what I would have eaten and to further enlighten myself. I am just really happy to have lots of reading materials lately that are bettering myself! Between these and the HG book, I am excited to do my research :)
I had a list of stuff I wanted to do this weekend--including updating my stupid phone--but of course, didn't get to it. I find that I wake up on Saturdays and get engrossed in my shows from the week and don't feel like doing things I don't want to do, lol. So I didn't. But I seriously need to. Maybe before we leave on Thursday (yay for our Poconos getaway!) I will attempt to update my phone, but I foresee issues with that--and I don't wanna screw up my phone and then not have it for the trip! But I will do it soon, I promise.
It is supposed to be 60 by the time I leave work, so I'm extra excited that spring is almost here! Lots of plans coming up in March/April and I can't wait :)
This week--Poconos for 3 days
March--baby shower, wedding, our anniversary :)
April--Michael Jackson Cirque du Soleil and seeing Nikki out in PA!
All lots of fun and it makes me happy to have things to look forward to. AND I hope weight loss is also something I can look forward to, if I stick with it and work hard. No more slacking and making excuses. I want to be able to wear shorts this summer and not have to worry about my cellulite or gross, untoned legs!
Guess I had better get back to work, but wanted to share this super cute pic of Mom and I from the Franklin Institute yesterday, as we were waiting to go in and see our IMAX show about "Tornado Alley":
It won't let me rotate it! haha. I don't know what I'm doing so maybe it's easy and I just don't know how, but it won't let me make it upright. In any case, you get my drift.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday.
Happy Friday! The weekend is finally here, and I couldn't be more excited. Mainly to sleep in tomorrow :P It's my first full weekend with my new mattress, and I am extra excited to be able to sleep in and enjoy it!
So...I didn't exercise last night. I really feel like I failed myself, and it sucks. We went to my parents, and my mom made her famous "breaded steak," which by no means is healthy. I tried to eat light during the day to compensate (I had cereal for lunch!), but I still feel like I overindulged at dinner. But when macaroni and cheese and biscuits are in front of me, I can't help myself! I told you cheese and bread are my weaknesses! and then after we had cleaned up, I felt lethargic and just wanted to put my pj's on and watch a scary movie with Mom. So needless to say, I failed. But I did log everything into my fitness pal and my food journal, so I still feel accountable for my actions.
I got paid today, woohoo! Too bad all my money goes to my mortgage and the rest of my bills :( I'm hoping to take a small portion and go grocery shopping, since I desperately need to get some healthy foods back in my life for lunches/dinners next week. Maybe I will accomplish that tomorrow at some point, in between bouts of catching up on my TV shows and *hopefully* updating my phone, haha. Speaking of TV shows (and I know Jaimi will agree), I missed Vampire Diaries this week. It's by far my favorite show, and I hate when they take small hiatuses. It was getting good, too!
Work needs to speed it up. I'm going to Audra's tonight for pizza (where I promised myself I would not overindulge, and knowing Audra, she used wheat dough anyway) and then possibly seeing Nicole, but I feel bad because I kind of just want a lazy night in. Maybe a movie or two, some comfy clothes, etc. And I complain about friends not making time for me or even remembering me, and then when I make plans with them, I often wish I hadn't. What's wrong with me?! I need to suck it up for one night and go out, but a) I don't have the money to spend and b) I don't want to be tempted to eat or drink unnecessary calories! So we'll see how the night goes. I'm just glad I didn't really make plans the rest of the weekend so that I can relax and do as I please.
Had a dream that I got my hair cut shorter and loved it. Is that a sign? No. I love my long hair. Why do I get such anxiety?! haha. I think if i had a young stylist who knew me and knew my hair I'd feel much better. But I don't. I tended to always go where my mom did, and this time, she went without me so I'm on my own. Next paycheck, I am making myself go, even if it's just to BestCuts!
Don't really have much else to say right now (I think I'm still waking up and yet I've been awake for 4 hours). But here's a cute pic from last night. It's me (with no make-up in my pajamas, no less!), Will and my fave little guy, Sammy! He's my sweetheart :)
So...I didn't exercise last night. I really feel like I failed myself, and it sucks. We went to my parents, and my mom made her famous "breaded steak," which by no means is healthy. I tried to eat light during the day to compensate (I had cereal for lunch!), but I still feel like I overindulged at dinner. But when macaroni and cheese and biscuits are in front of me, I can't help myself! I told you cheese and bread are my weaknesses! and then after we had cleaned up, I felt lethargic and just wanted to put my pj's on and watch a scary movie with Mom. So needless to say, I failed. But I did log everything into my fitness pal and my food journal, so I still feel accountable for my actions.
I got paid today, woohoo! Too bad all my money goes to my mortgage and the rest of my bills :( I'm hoping to take a small portion and go grocery shopping, since I desperately need to get some healthy foods back in my life for lunches/dinners next week. Maybe I will accomplish that tomorrow at some point, in between bouts of catching up on my TV shows and *hopefully* updating my phone, haha. Speaking of TV shows (and I know Jaimi will agree), I missed Vampire Diaries this week. It's by far my favorite show, and I hate when they take small hiatuses. It was getting good, too!
Work needs to speed it up. I'm going to Audra's tonight for pizza (where I promised myself I would not overindulge, and knowing Audra, she used wheat dough anyway) and then possibly seeing Nicole, but I feel bad because I kind of just want a lazy night in. Maybe a movie or two, some comfy clothes, etc. And I complain about friends not making time for me or even remembering me, and then when I make plans with them, I often wish I hadn't. What's wrong with me?! I need to suck it up for one night and go out, but a) I don't have the money to spend and b) I don't want to be tempted to eat or drink unnecessary calories! So we'll see how the night goes. I'm just glad I didn't really make plans the rest of the weekend so that I can relax and do as I please.
Had a dream that I got my hair cut shorter and loved it. Is that a sign? No. I love my long hair. Why do I get such anxiety?! haha. I think if i had a young stylist who knew me and knew my hair I'd feel much better. But I don't. I tended to always go where my mom did, and this time, she went without me so I'm on my own. Next paycheck, I am making myself go, even if it's just to BestCuts!
Don't really have much else to say right now (I think I'm still waking up and yet I've been awake for 4 hours). But here's a cute pic from last night. It's me (with no make-up in my pajamas, no less!), Will and my fave little guy, Sammy! He's my sweetheart :)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I have a follower!!! :)
Haha, funny how little things make me excited anymore. But I'm just glad someone took the time to read my words, and especially that it is none other than Jaimi, the girl who inspired me not only to blog, but to better myself in many ways. I know that sounds crazy, since I have never even met her and only spoken to her online, but in my world, I believe you can touch people's lives without ever seeing their face or hearing their laugh. I'll get off my soapbox about her, but I believe in good people, and I know she is one of them :) So Jaimi, thanks for taking the time to believe in me as well (and for reading my blog, too!) It's funny..when I was younger, I had a penpal in Ireland. I used to get so excited to receive her letters in the mail and have a friend out there in the world. To me, that's how I think of the people I talk to online. They're my "friends," even if we've never met face to face. I genuinely enjoy hearing from her and it makes me happy to know someone besides myself reads this!
And so it's Thursday. I felt kind of bad last night, because even though I walked at this gorgeous park with Mom, I came home and we had Saladworks for dinner. I went on their website and created my own salad (sampling different dressings to see which had the least amount of calories that I would actually ENJOY..I miss parmesan peppercorn, lol) and it was a lot. I did cheese, pepperoni, walnuts, whole wheat pasta, lettuce, cucumbers and egg (no croutons, which was hard for me but I did have a whole wheat roll) and LITE buttermilk ranch. Sorry guys, I just could not do the fat free balsamic. I CRAVE creamy dressings, it's my downfall. I wanted apple slices on it too, but the guy forgot them, oh well. I know it was a high calorie meal, and I was still done eating by 8 p.m. for the night...but, i cheated and had my last red velvet cake Godiva truffle :-/ oopsie! I needed something sweet. That's my biggest problem..I can be SO full from a meal and still have the room in my stomach to have dessert. It's like I save space for it (or have a separate compartment for it, like I always used to say). So I indulged, if only to get rid of the temptation since the box is now gone. But when I do that, it makes me feel bad about myself the next day, even if the scale stayed the same. I didn't want to weigh myself, but part of me wanted to know the damage I did. I guess it's a good thing I didn't gain, but I also didn't lose any, which is where my problem lies. I am maintaining my weight doing what I've been doing. I need to ramp up my will to exercise or else I'll stay stagnant!
Anyone have any recommendations for what to do with my hair to keep it from getting extra sweaty and end up curling? I know this sounds like a silly problem, but I have long (curly) hair. It takes me 30 mins. to straighten it, and if I sweat or it's humid, it will curl and undo all the work it took to make it straight! I know this is a lame excuse, but I think that has always been a reason I haven't worked out. Hey, at least I'm being honest! Do they make any kind of sweat-resistant headbands or are there any ideas out there for how to keep my hair straight while doing a workout? Leave it to me to ask the silly questions....
I feel like so many thoughts go through my head as I write this. It really makes me think of my body and physical appearance. I know I mentioned needing a haircut, and I need to find a salon I really love and dont get anxiety about going to. I know it's just hair, but i always worry the stylist wont get what I want or do it properly...so I tend to bounce from place to place. But that's on my list to take care of. I need a good trim!
And reading Jaimi's tanning stuff, it makes me REALLY want to go tanning! I miss how tan I used to be from doing that each year. I think something happened to my skin though, and i don't get as dark as I used to. And that one year, I got "tanning spots" all over my torso so I think that started making me not want to go. But I don't get really tan from the natural sun anymore (I get more red!) Not to mention, due to working all week, I don't really get to sit out in the sun for long periods of time, unless I have a beach day, etc. And since I'm not exposed on a daily basis, I burn. It's a lose-lose situation, haha. I know they say to stay out of the sun altogether, but it makes you feel so much prettier with a tan, right? and skinnier in some way ;) I guess I'll think about it. I have a wedding on March 30th that I'd love to have some color for, but I'd have to start tanning soon if I wanted that. I also dont know that I have the money for it right now..womp womp. And I don't know about your tanning salons, but mine always make you sign up for 3 months, and then they automatically charge your card for another 3 if you dont cancel by a certain date. And you have to go and cancel in person. It's annoying. Not to mention all the girls who work there are super thin, tan and pretty and it makes me self-concious going in there...
I've been REALLY trying to moisturize my skin lately, too. It's been extra dry due to the winter air and having the heat on. I purchased a nighttime moisturizer and it feels nice and light when I put it on (which is good for my stupid sensitive skin) but i feel like my skin just soaks it right up and is dry again by morning. Sometimes I wish I had really pretty skin and could go natural everyday, without having to put makeup on. But sadly, I don't and make-up helps me to feel prettier. But I know it's not good for my skin issues..
So that's hair and skin, but I also want to purchase some teeth-whitening strips. Anyone have any they recommend?
I guess this entry has just been me talking and talking with no real point but oh well. It's help time pass and I'm extra bored here at work. And it's so gorgeous out, I wish I was outside! It's only going to be in the 40s this weekend supposedly, but that's ok. I'll be indoors with Mom seeing the Dinosaur exhibit at the Philadelphia Franklin Institute! I love their exhibits and getting to see some of the museums in the city.
Goals for the weekend/next week:
1) work out more than I did this week
2) clean out SOME of my overflowing closets! Baby steps
3)update my resume/decide what I want to do with my life/career
4) I REALLY need to do the update on my iPhone. It keeps telling me I don't have enough memory on my laptop to perform it but I barely have anything on there, so I've avoided it. Time to suck it up and take care of business!
I'm sure I'll be back later :)
And so it's Thursday. I felt kind of bad last night, because even though I walked at this gorgeous park with Mom, I came home and we had Saladworks for dinner. I went on their website and created my own salad (sampling different dressings to see which had the least amount of calories that I would actually ENJOY..I miss parmesan peppercorn, lol) and it was a lot. I did cheese, pepperoni, walnuts, whole wheat pasta, lettuce, cucumbers and egg (no croutons, which was hard for me but I did have a whole wheat roll) and LITE buttermilk ranch. Sorry guys, I just could not do the fat free balsamic. I CRAVE creamy dressings, it's my downfall. I wanted apple slices on it too, but the guy forgot them, oh well. I know it was a high calorie meal, and I was still done eating by 8 p.m. for the night...but, i cheated and had my last red velvet cake Godiva truffle :-/ oopsie! I needed something sweet. That's my biggest problem..I can be SO full from a meal and still have the room in my stomach to have dessert. It's like I save space for it (or have a separate compartment for it, like I always used to say). So I indulged, if only to get rid of the temptation since the box is now gone. But when I do that, it makes me feel bad about myself the next day, even if the scale stayed the same. I didn't want to weigh myself, but part of me wanted to know the damage I did. I guess it's a good thing I didn't gain, but I also didn't lose any, which is where my problem lies. I am maintaining my weight doing what I've been doing. I need to ramp up my will to exercise or else I'll stay stagnant!
Anyone have any recommendations for what to do with my hair to keep it from getting extra sweaty and end up curling? I know this sounds like a silly problem, but I have long (curly) hair. It takes me 30 mins. to straighten it, and if I sweat or it's humid, it will curl and undo all the work it took to make it straight! I know this is a lame excuse, but I think that has always been a reason I haven't worked out. Hey, at least I'm being honest! Do they make any kind of sweat-resistant headbands or are there any ideas out there for how to keep my hair straight while doing a workout? Leave it to me to ask the silly questions....
I feel like so many thoughts go through my head as I write this. It really makes me think of my body and physical appearance. I know I mentioned needing a haircut, and I need to find a salon I really love and dont get anxiety about going to. I know it's just hair, but i always worry the stylist wont get what I want or do it properly...so I tend to bounce from place to place. But that's on my list to take care of. I need a good trim!
And reading Jaimi's tanning stuff, it makes me REALLY want to go tanning! I miss how tan I used to be from doing that each year. I think something happened to my skin though, and i don't get as dark as I used to. And that one year, I got "tanning spots" all over my torso so I think that started making me not want to go. But I don't get really tan from the natural sun anymore (I get more red!) Not to mention, due to working all week, I don't really get to sit out in the sun for long periods of time, unless I have a beach day, etc. And since I'm not exposed on a daily basis, I burn. It's a lose-lose situation, haha. I know they say to stay out of the sun altogether, but it makes you feel so much prettier with a tan, right? and skinnier in some way ;) I guess I'll think about it. I have a wedding on March 30th that I'd love to have some color for, but I'd have to start tanning soon if I wanted that. I also dont know that I have the money for it right now..womp womp. And I don't know about your tanning salons, but mine always make you sign up for 3 months, and then they automatically charge your card for another 3 if you dont cancel by a certain date. And you have to go and cancel in person. It's annoying. Not to mention all the girls who work there are super thin, tan and pretty and it makes me self-concious going in there...
I've been REALLY trying to moisturize my skin lately, too. It's been extra dry due to the winter air and having the heat on. I purchased a nighttime moisturizer and it feels nice and light when I put it on (which is good for my stupid sensitive skin) but i feel like my skin just soaks it right up and is dry again by morning. Sometimes I wish I had really pretty skin and could go natural everyday, without having to put makeup on. But sadly, I don't and make-up helps me to feel prettier. But I know it's not good for my skin issues..
So that's hair and skin, but I also want to purchase some teeth-whitening strips. Anyone have any they recommend?
I guess this entry has just been me talking and talking with no real point but oh well. It's help time pass and I'm extra bored here at work. And it's so gorgeous out, I wish I was outside! It's only going to be in the 40s this weekend supposedly, but that's ok. I'll be indoors with Mom seeing the Dinosaur exhibit at the Philadelphia Franklin Institute! I love their exhibits and getting to see some of the museums in the city.
Goals for the weekend/next week:
1) work out more than I did this week
2) clean out SOME of my overflowing closets! Baby steps
3)update my resume/decide what I want to do with my life/career
4) I REALLY need to do the update on my iPhone. It keeps telling me I don't have enough memory on my laptop to perform it but I barely have anything on there, so I've avoided it. Time to suck it up and take care of business!
I'm sure I'll be back later :)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Discouraged.
I know I'm new to the blogging world and that probably no one reads this (and it's supposed to be more for me anyway) but still, I feel discouraged. I stepped on the scale this morning, even though I told myself I wouldn't weigh every day anymore, and I gained half a pound. I know weight loss doesn't happen overnight and I can't expect dramatic results just from changing my eating patterns and doing some light workouts, but I had hoped for positive, consistent results. I did some type of exercising the past 2 nights, AND I have stopped eating past 7 p.m. That alone is a struggle for me, since come 9 o'clock, without fail, I am craving something sweet to eat. I have made myself start brushing my teeth before I even get settled on the couch in order to resist temptation, but even so, if I let myself, I'd be reaching for the jordan almonds I have on the coffee table. Granted, I feel like this is the part where someone would say "well then hide the almonds" BUT some small part of me likes the challenge of resisting? Even if I just barely scrape by...
A friend that has been helping me get into jogging told me yesterday that she's lost 3 pounds this week. I hate myself for being jealous of her. I want to be happy for my friends and cheer them on in their weight loss journeys, not bitter and jealous. I think what I have refused to acknowledge all these years is that you only get results from what you put in to get them (if that makes sense). I am only exercising at night, after work. She, on the other hand, has a gym at work and goes there on her lunch breaks and runs on the treadmill. While I applaud her commitment, I don't have that available at my job. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, and I suppose to some extent I am. I COULD get up in the morning and do a workout OnDemand before getting showered and ready for my day. I COULD push myself to do multiple workouts a night. Maybe I'm taking baby steps and altering my eating and slowly easing into an active lifestyle, I don't know. It does scare me that I will have to keep at this for life--it's not just a 3 month thing. But I am pledging to stay healthy and make healthier choices for myself. I want to learn to love exercising and look forward to it, as opposed to it just being something I feel forced to do.
I also find I'm having a hard time with a few of my friends. Ever feel like you have a ton of people surrounding you but no one truly gets you? Or not even that, do you ever feel like you're a really good friend to people and yet don't receive the same treatment in return? I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong...but....I feel like I'm always the one making the effort. The effort to stay in touch, the effort to make plans, etc. And I feel like because I'm so nice, people take advantage of it and cancel when they feel like it, "knowing" I will understand and still be around. Some of my so-called friends will goes weeks without even talking to me, yet a simple text isn't hard to send. And I have this one really good friend--we've become close in the past year. While I love her, I often feel frustrated with her. She talks about other people, and it makes me wonder if she talks about me to others as well? I know we're all guilty of gossiping, but she can be downright nasty and moody at times. And right now, she is doing something that is upsetting to me, and I know if the situations were reversed, she'd throw a temper tantrum and treat me differently. So what do I do? speak up and and anger her, possibly changing our friendship? or do I continue to just let it stew and eventually get over it (since, after all, she can do as she pleases). I don't know. I know it was never promised life would be easy, and I truly am grateful for all the people I consider friends, but sometimes, I just wish they'd be a bit better at letting me know they WANT to be my friend, or that they value me or something.
I have appreciation issues! haha.
Sorry for being down in the dumps. Not that anyone is actually reading this and caring about how I feel, haha. I don't write to get readers or fans, but if there is anyone out there reading this and you can relate, share it with me! I love talking, if you couldn't tell :)
Here's some inspiration I came across today--help it helps someone else out there besides myself!
A friend that has been helping me get into jogging told me yesterday that she's lost 3 pounds this week. I hate myself for being jealous of her. I want to be happy for my friends and cheer them on in their weight loss journeys, not bitter and jealous. I think what I have refused to acknowledge all these years is that you only get results from what you put in to get them (if that makes sense). I am only exercising at night, after work. She, on the other hand, has a gym at work and goes there on her lunch breaks and runs on the treadmill. While I applaud her commitment, I don't have that available at my job. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, and I suppose to some extent I am. I COULD get up in the morning and do a workout OnDemand before getting showered and ready for my day. I COULD push myself to do multiple workouts a night. Maybe I'm taking baby steps and altering my eating and slowly easing into an active lifestyle, I don't know. It does scare me that I will have to keep at this for life--it's not just a 3 month thing. But I am pledging to stay healthy and make healthier choices for myself. I want to learn to love exercising and look forward to it, as opposed to it just being something I feel forced to do.
I also find I'm having a hard time with a few of my friends. Ever feel like you have a ton of people surrounding you but no one truly gets you? Or not even that, do you ever feel like you're a really good friend to people and yet don't receive the same treatment in return? I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong...but....I feel like I'm always the one making the effort. The effort to stay in touch, the effort to make plans, etc. And I feel like because I'm so nice, people take advantage of it and cancel when they feel like it, "knowing" I will understand and still be around. Some of my so-called friends will goes weeks without even talking to me, yet a simple text isn't hard to send. And I have this one really good friend--we've become close in the past year. While I love her, I often feel frustrated with her. She talks about other people, and it makes me wonder if she talks about me to others as well? I know we're all guilty of gossiping, but she can be downright nasty and moody at times. And right now, she is doing something that is upsetting to me, and I know if the situations were reversed, she'd throw a temper tantrum and treat me differently. So what do I do? speak up and and anger her, possibly changing our friendship? or do I continue to just let it stew and eventually get over it (since, after all, she can do as she pleases). I don't know. I know it was never promised life would be easy, and I truly am grateful for all the people I consider friends, but sometimes, I just wish they'd be a bit better at letting me know they WANT to be my friend, or that they value me or something.
I have appreciation issues! haha.
Sorry for being down in the dumps. Not that anyone is actually reading this and caring about how I feel, haha. I don't write to get readers or fans, but if there is anyone out there reading this and you can relate, share it with me! I love talking, if you couldn't tell :)
Here's some inspiration I came across today--help it helps someone else out there besides myself!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Happier Mindset
I know I'm writing again in the same day, but it's my blog--I can do what I want, right? In any case, I just wanted to report that I am feeling good. I keep reading Jaimi's blog about her weight loss journey and it's really inspiring me! I actually think about what I put in my mouth now without just eating absently. I log everything (and I mean EVERYTHING, bad calories or not) into my food journal AND I have started using My Fitness Pal again on my phone. I'm not quite sure if my calorie intake is accurate or not, but for now, it's a starting point. I obviously want to get to a place where my jeans aren't snug, but also to where I look and feel pretty without consulting a mirror. I've also been contemplating a hair change, but those are BIG for me, and I rather like my hair.....I need to work up the courage to maybe try a different route; it's just hair, it will grow back, right?
On another note, the boots I have been wanting from Alloy came today, FINALLY! I had some issues with the order, and it supposedly arrived over the weekend, but that's what I get for shipping them to work. I hope they're cute on me, even though I'm hating how all of my skinny jeans look on me right now and that's what I'll have to wear with these. Oh well. Here they are:
Over the knee baby! haha.
I am really excited to go and eat my lunch today. I am starting a new book, which always makes me happy. Will got the "Beautiful Creatures" series for me, so I am starting the first book today. I feel bad not using my Kindle anymore, but honestly, nothing compares to a REAL book in your hands (and I'm a weirdo and love the smell of a new book!). So, if there's no chatty Cathy's upstairs when I go, hopefully I will get a few chapters in and enjoy my hour break :)
---on a totally new subject, I want to write a novel of my own someday. I always told my dad I'd write a book and buy him a big house with a wraparound porch and I intend to fulfill that goal. Whether it's a book people will actually read or not is a different story, haha.
I have some fresh fruits (strawberries, grapes and a plum) along with my turkey and cheese sammich on multigrain bread..ohh, and some special K crisps (chips?). And a honey vanilla greek yogurt. LOVE greek yogurt!! Why I am reporting my meal to you I have no idea, but it makes me feel better knowing I'm attempting a healthier lunch than I used to. While I do miss my fruit snacks and tastycakes, I do feel a bit better about myself. I'm also back on track with taking a multi-vitamin and I'm making an effort to wear my seatbelt properly too (I'm such a loser, lol). Mom and I plan to walk (and attempt a jog) tonight as well. I appreciate the exercise partner in her because otherwise, I'd go home, eat and then want chocolate as I sit on the couch watching TV shows. At least this way, if I go to her house after work, do the mile or two with her (whether it's a walk or jog, it's SOMETHING, right?) then I can go home and eat a light dinner and relax. I cut myself off from food at 7 p.m. and after that it's strictly water! In the future I might be more lenient with this rule, but for now, it's what I need to avoid nighttime snacking. I'm also super excited to browse my new copy of 300 meals under 300 calories and start making a menu for us that I can prepare to stay within my allotted calorie range. Jaimi gave me an idea for a low-calorie pudding as dessert, too so I want to get some of that my next trip to the store! I definitely think I have to learn the line between staying on track and letting myself indulge occasionally. I feel like I'm going into this too severe too quickly? But I don't know. I'll get better at it, I'm sure.
I don't know if Jaimi will ever read my blog, but I sure am addicted to hers and her positive outlook on a healthy lifestyle. She has inspired me to not only lose weight, but to keep it off by becoming active and healthy for LIFE! I don't want to be lazy anymore :)
Almost lunchtime. YAY!
Jaime Rose knows....
...Nothing? Well, it's not that I don't know anything...but...I just sometimes feel like I don't. I started this blog to hopefully shed some light on my life and give me some clarity, but I know it will be a work in progress (to say the least!)
I always considered myself a smart girl, but I often times feel like I went off track somewhere. I know you're thinking, "well, get back on the saddle!" LOL...but it's not that easy. I think the biggest challenge is to first face where I went "wrong" and go from there.....sound like a plan?
Here are my goals I want to accomplish this year (and yes, I know I'm almost 2 months late in making New Year's resolutions but hey, I do what I want :) )
-- figure out what "career" I want/what makes me happy
--lose about 20 pounds
--become healthy and active---EXERCISE and learn to enjoy it
--learn how to save money and budget better (bye bye random spending)
--overall, just be happy and satisfied :)
So, on that note, let me introduce myself. I'm Jaime, and I'm 28 years old (almost 29, yikes!!) and I live in NJ. I graduated from college in 2005 with a degree in Communications/Journalism, and while I LOVE to write, I never ended up using my degree. I work for a CD/DVD manufatcuring company as a work flow coordinator, and while it's not my dream job, I work with a lot of awesome people and am able to support myself, so I guess that counts for something.
I love shopping--mainly for clothes, but I don't mind shoes either! Some would say I have a problem, based on how my closets look :) haha. I also love jewelry and BOOKS. Books are my world, I love reading that much! I love getting lost in a good story and connecting with the characters....ahh, I'm such a dork and I don't care one bit!
I have one brother, and the most amazing parents on this planet <3 I also have a dachshund named Sam, and he is the sweetest, funniest little dog ever. I have an amazing boyfriend named Will, and he is the love of my life, hands down. All in all, I have a pretty good life and I am thankful for ALL of my blessings, big or small.
But...I need change. I need to make myself happy, first and foremost. I want to look in the mirror and love what I see..and right now, I'm not able to embrace that like I should. So, here begins my journey to self-discovery and what path I was meant to take. We get one life, and I want to truly live mine!!
On that note, I'm going to finish up my slice of toast with peanut butter, log it in my food journal (oh yes, I'm serious about this weight loss thing!) and get some work done before my boss realizes I like blogging better than getting paid! lol. Hope to be back soon with some more wit and insight!
I always considered myself a smart girl, but I often times feel like I went off track somewhere. I know you're thinking, "well, get back on the saddle!" LOL...but it's not that easy. I think the biggest challenge is to first face where I went "wrong" and go from there.....sound like a plan?
Here are my goals I want to accomplish this year (and yes, I know I'm almost 2 months late in making New Year's resolutions but hey, I do what I want :) )
-- figure out what "career" I want/what makes me happy
--lose about 20 pounds
--become healthy and active---EXERCISE and learn to enjoy it
--learn how to save money and budget better (bye bye random spending)
--overall, just be happy and satisfied :)
So, on that note, let me introduce myself. I'm Jaime, and I'm 28 years old (almost 29, yikes!!) and I live in NJ. I graduated from college in 2005 with a degree in Communications/Journalism, and while I LOVE to write, I never ended up using my degree. I work for a CD/DVD manufatcuring company as a work flow coordinator, and while it's not my dream job, I work with a lot of awesome people and am able to support myself, so I guess that counts for something.
I love shopping--mainly for clothes, but I don't mind shoes either! Some would say I have a problem, based on how my closets look :) haha. I also love jewelry and BOOKS. Books are my world, I love reading that much! I love getting lost in a good story and connecting with the characters....ahh, I'm such a dork and I don't care one bit!
I have one brother, and the most amazing parents on this planet <3 I also have a dachshund named Sam, and he is the sweetest, funniest little dog ever. I have an amazing boyfriend named Will, and he is the love of my life, hands down. All in all, I have a pretty good life and I am thankful for ALL of my blessings, big or small.
But...I need change. I need to make myself happy, first and foremost. I want to look in the mirror and love what I see..and right now, I'm not able to embrace that like I should. So, here begins my journey to self-discovery and what path I was meant to take. We get one life, and I want to truly live mine!!
On that note, I'm going to finish up my slice of toast with peanut butter, log it in my food journal (oh yes, I'm serious about this weight loss thing!) and get some work done before my boss realizes I like blogging better than getting paid! lol. Hope to be back soon with some more wit and insight!
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