So here I am, on this rainy Wednesday morning, celebrating that it's my Friday. I cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow and not have to endure work for the next 2 days! Hallelujah! (did I spell that right?) I'm just excited. Will and I have never taken a trip on our own (without family members, or going to visit someone, etc). And the fact that it's the Poconos is extra exciting since it's scenic up there and there's lots to do. I can't wait (if you couldn't tell).
I love trips in general. I always get so excited to drive, fly, see new places. I even get excited to stay in a hotel, that's how weird I am! haha. And the place we're staying at seems cute, and we'll have a "studio villa," that even has it's own kitchenette. Jaim, I plan to bring healthy options to not only snack on, but also to make for lunches and dinner one night--so be proud! haha. I want to treat ourselves to dinner one night, but I'm glad to realize that I'm going into it with a more health-conscious mind and will be aware of what I select to eat. And as I mentioned before, I'll be bringing my sneakers to hopefully get a nice walk in one day (if the rain holds out). I know the usual temptation will be there to have a coffee or latte and some snacks on the way, but maybe I can make healthy choices or less "bad" choices so that I don't totally sabotage myself. I still am going to log everything I eat into MFP, even if it is vacation!
So, besides the elation over the trip, I have a bit of a heavy heart today. I had an experience with a friend last night--my supposed BEST friend--that has kind of left me feeling a bit down. Throughout my life, I've always had friends, many of whom I've considered really close, good friends. I've had 'best' friends at different points as well, but things always happened one way or another that led to us not being as close. In the past 6 years, I've been close with a girl who I thought truly was my best friend. We're a lot alike, we share the same sense of humor, fashion sense, etc. But recently, I've noticed little things that upset me. I find that she...copies me? I know that sounds weird and petty but it's to the point where she'll tell me she likes something I have or use and then she goes and gets it (which is fine, I don't hide where I purchase things) but will then later bring it up in conversation as though SHE found it/had it first. It's bizarre. It's almost self-righteous and comes out sounding snotty when she mentions these things, and makes me feel some kind of way that she either is pretending not to remember that I told her about it OR she truly is delusional and doesn't remember that I had it to begin with. And last night, I found out TWO things that she brought up as though she was original for having, and the way she expresses it to me comes off as condescending. I don't know. I know I'm sounding silly but it really upset me after she left. I go out of my way to tell her things I use that help me and then she copies me and flips the script like she's using all these amazing products and is "in the know" and I'm not. I don't know. I have been feeling more and more like she tries to compete with me, and that she desperately wants to find something I don't have so that she can flaunt it. Doesn't sound like a best friend, right?
I don't want you getting an awful idea about her, because she's a good person, but apparently, she just has an underlying competitive drive. I know friends swap things and share the same style, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me having anything she doesn't. And I'm not like that. I know they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but still--that means nothing if she doesn't admit she's imitating me!
And lately, she has been on me to devote more time to her. We used to hang out non-stop when I was single and we were 21 and carefree, but now I'm in a serious relationship, I have responsibilities and very little "play" money to spend, and she is married. She doesnt have the bills that I have and I try to make it clear to her that our situations are different, but she has a husband helping her out financially and I don't. I do it ALL on my own, which I am proud of and yet she doesn't always seem to understand that. It's all well and good that her income is pretty much play money and her husband's pays their bills, but I don't have that luxury. And these days, I don't want to go out and get drunk and hang out until 3 a.m. I am past that point in my life. I enjoy a good dinner and a movie kind of date, or a night out with the girls. I don't mind clubs and bars but I also don't drink a lot and I don't need the calories! (another thing she doesn't understand because she weighs all of 100 pounds!) But she wants to make plans several times a week, or devote a weekend night to her which is fine, IF i have the night to devote. I now do a lot of things with Will's family or my other friends and it's tough to make time every single weekend. And honestly, sometimes I just want a weekend of nothing to do what I want. Is that so bad? but she is a planner and will constantly book herself up with plans, and that's good for her. But I don't want to be made to feel bad if I don't always have time. I try to see her every week, and yet the nights I sometimes have free, she doesn't and she doesn't seem to see that. It's like she wants me to adjust my schedule, but she doesn't have to do the same?
I just feel kind of lonely sometimes. I have a few girls I am REALLy close with, but I know they don't consider me their "best" friend because they have their own. But I've always wanted that one girl who was truly my best friend in the world, like they have in the movies. Ya know?
Oh well. I know I have people who love me and are there for me, and maybe in time, this friend of mine will fix her issues or at least acknowledge them or something. Or maybe I need to let this issue go and realize that's how she is---or stop telling her about things? I don't know. If I get something someone else has, I always give them credit for it. I just wish it was a common courtesy this friend would give me occasionally. I don't brag about things I have or act like they're the best and sometimes, I feel like this friend just wants lot of attention or something..and she shouldn't feel the need to seek it from me. She is WAY better at hairstyling than I am, but I think I am better in the fashion department (even if I am heavier than her). I think true friends should balance each other out, not try to take each other down!
So, that's me today. Pumped for my getaway, but kind of bummed. I don't know if I will get to write any entries while I am gone (for some reason, it's hard writing on my phone or iPad..i don't like not having actual keys to type long entries on!) but I will def check in and be available :)
I will probably write more later today. It appears I have a lot on my mind...