I know I'm new to the blogging world and that probably no one reads this (and it's supposed to be more for me anyway) but still, I feel discouraged. I stepped on the scale this morning, even though I told myself I wouldn't weigh every day anymore, and I gained half a pound. I know weight loss doesn't happen overnight and I can't expect dramatic results just from changing my eating patterns and doing some light workouts, but I had hoped for positive, consistent results. I did some type of exercising the past 2 nights, AND I have stopped eating past 7 p.m. That alone is a struggle for me, since come 9 o'clock, without fail, I am craving something sweet to eat. I have made myself start brushing my teeth before I even get settled on the couch in order to resist temptation, but even so, if I let myself, I'd be reaching for the jordan almonds I have on the coffee table. Granted, I feel like this is the part where someone would say "well then hide the almonds" BUT some small part of me likes the challenge of resisting? Even if I just barely scrape by...
A friend that has been helping me get into jogging told me yesterday that she's lost 3 pounds this week. I hate myself for being jealous of her. I want to be happy for my friends and cheer them on in their weight loss journeys, not bitter and jealous. I think what I have refused to acknowledge all these years is that you only get results from what you put in to get them (if that makes sense). I am only exercising at night, after work. She, on the other hand, has a gym at work and goes there on her lunch breaks and runs on the treadmill. While I applaud her commitment, I don't have that available at my job. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, and I suppose to some extent I am. I COULD get up in the morning and do a workout OnDemand before getting showered and ready for my day. I COULD push myself to do multiple workouts a night. Maybe I'm taking baby steps and altering my eating and slowly easing into an active lifestyle, I don't know. It does scare me that I will have to keep at this for life--it's not just a 3 month thing. But I am pledging to stay healthy and make healthier choices for myself. I want to learn to love exercising and look forward to it, as opposed to it just being something I feel forced to do.
I also find I'm having a hard time with a few of my friends. Ever feel like you have a ton of people surrounding you but no one truly gets you? Or not even that, do you ever feel like you're a really good friend to people and yet don't receive the same treatment in return? I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong...but....I feel like I'm always the one making the effort. The effort to stay in touch, the effort to make plans, etc. And I feel like because I'm so nice, people take advantage of it and cancel when they feel like it, "knowing" I will understand and still be around. Some of my so-called friends will goes weeks without even talking to me, yet a simple text isn't hard to send. And I have this one really good friend--we've become close in the past year. While I love her, I often feel frustrated with her. She talks about other people, and it makes me wonder if she talks about me to others as well? I know we're all guilty of gossiping, but she can be downright nasty and moody at times. And right now, she is doing something that is upsetting to me, and I know if the situations were reversed, she'd throw a temper tantrum and treat me differently. So what do I do? speak up and and anger her, possibly changing our friendship? or do I continue to just let it stew and eventually get over it (since, after all, she can do as she pleases). I don't know. I know it was never promised life would be easy, and I truly am grateful for all the people I consider friends, but sometimes, I just wish they'd be a bit better at letting me know they WANT to be my friend, or that they value me or something.
I have appreciation issues! haha.
Sorry for being down in the dumps. Not that anyone is actually reading this and caring about how I feel, haha. I don't write to get readers or fans, but if there is anyone out there reading this and you can relate, share it with me! I love talking, if you couldn't tell :)
Here's some inspiration I came across today--help it helps someone else out there besides myself!