Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I know I'm new to the blogging world and that probably no one reads this (and it's supposed to be more for me anyway) but still, I feel discouraged. I stepped on the scale this morning, even though I told myself I wouldn't weigh every day anymore, and I gained half a pound. I know weight loss doesn't happen overnight and I can't expect dramatic results just from changing my eating patterns and doing some light workouts, but I had hoped for positive, consistent results. I did some type of exercising the past 2 nights, AND I have stopped eating past 7 p.m. That alone is a struggle for me, since come 9 o'clock, without fail, I am craving something sweet to eat. I have made myself start brushing my teeth before I even get settled on the couch in order to resist temptation, but even so, if I let myself, I'd be reaching for the jordan almonds I have on the coffee table. Granted, I feel like this is the part where someone would say "well then hide the almonds" BUT some small part of me likes the challenge of resisting? Even if I just barely scrape by...

A friend that has been helping me get into jogging told me yesterday that she's lost 3 pounds this week. I hate myself for being jealous of her. I want to be happy for my friends and cheer them on in their weight loss journeys, not bitter and jealous. I think what I have refused to acknowledge all these years is that you only get results from what you put in to get them (if that makes sense). I am only exercising at night, after work. She, on the other hand, has a gym at work and goes there on her lunch breaks and runs on the treadmill. While I applaud her commitment, I don't have that available at my job. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, and I suppose to some extent I am. I COULD get up in the morning and do a workout OnDemand before getting showered and ready for my day. I COULD push myself to do multiple workouts a night. Maybe I'm taking baby steps and altering my eating and slowly easing into an active lifestyle, I don't know. It does scare me that I will have to keep at this for life--it's not just a 3 month thing. But I am pledging to stay healthy and make healthier choices for myself. I want to learn to love exercising and look forward to it, as opposed to it just being something I feel forced to do.

I also find I'm having a hard time with a few of my friends. Ever feel like you have a ton of people surrounding you but no one truly gets you? Or not even that, do you ever feel like you're a really good friend to people and yet don't receive the same treatment in return? I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong...but....I feel like I'm always the one making the effort. The effort to stay in touch, the effort to make plans, etc. And I feel like because I'm so nice, people take advantage of it and cancel when they feel like it, "knowing" I will understand and still be around. Some of my so-called friends will goes weeks without even talking to me, yet a simple text isn't hard to send. And I have this one really good friend--we've become close in the past year. While I love her, I often feel frustrated with her. She talks about other people, and it makes me wonder if she talks about me to others as well? I know we're all guilty of gossiping, but she can be downright nasty and moody at times. And right now, she is doing something that is upsetting to me, and I know if the situations were reversed, she'd throw a temper tantrum and treat me differently. So what do I do? speak up and and anger her, possibly changing our friendship? or do I continue to just let it stew and eventually get over it (since, after all, she can do as she pleases). I don't know. I know it was never promised life would be easy, and I truly am grateful for all the people I consider friends, but sometimes, I just wish they'd be a bit better at letting me know they WANT to be my friend, or that they value me or something.

I have appreciation issues! haha.

Sorry for being down in the dumps. Not that anyone is actually reading this and caring about how I feel, haha. I don't write to get readers or fans, but if there is anyone out there reading this and you can relate, share it with me! I love talking, if you couldn't tell :) 

Here's some inspiration I came across today--help it helps someone else out there besides myself!


  1. Hey girl!!
    Don't be down on yourself. I know it is almost like the pot calling the kettle black. We all go through times like this. I spent my whole life being jealous of people who seemed to have it together. Just remember we all have our struggles! You can do it. Just remember to stick to it and don't give up! Successful people are the ones who try and try again. I can also totally to relate to your writing about friends...I feel the same way a LOT! I moved back in with my parents for a while to get everything straightened out and stuff. Sometimes life just sucks, you know? You are also exactly right that this is a lifestyle change and not just a 3 month challenge. Believe in yourself, you are beautiful, and have a beautiful name ;) That dreaded scale will get us everytime, just move on from it and try not to weigh everyday!! I love the picture and just now read it. What i just wrote pretty much is exactly what your picture says! :)

  2. Thanks girl. You do not know how much your words mean to me. YOU are the one who has inspired me to better myself, physically and mentally! And to think, just by seeing someone link your blog on Pinterest! It's funny what life brings us to. I know the scale is not always going to be our friend, and that our actual friends might not always be there as well, but one of the coolest parts of this journey is knowing that you dont have to just have friends in your hometown to lean on--there's people out there in different states supporting you, and I hope you know I'm rooting for you up here in NJ! :) WE are beautiful, and if nothing else, I'm glad to have found a kindred soul through our blogs! *sappy moment* lol

    1. I agree with you completely. I am seriously amazed at how many people have been positive and supportive of my journey, people I haven't even met! I am just happy that I have inspired others to step back and take a look at their lives. I was miserable my entire life and didn't even realize it. I guess the saying is true that wisdom comes with age. ;)

  3. I'm just glad I met you, seriously. I know I go on and on and am probably too sappy sometimes, but I really am. You do feel like my twin in a different state!